![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:32 • Filed to: Unclean! Unclean! | ![]() | ![]() |
Maybe it really is the flu...
I’ve been able to slowly sip gatorade without it coming right back up. Otherwise, I might feel even worse now overall.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:37 |
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OH SHIT EVERYONE, ZOIDBERG IS PREGNANT!!!
OPPO BABY SHOWER AT HIS HOUSE!!!!!
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:39 |
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![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:39 |
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oh my god zoidberg is pregnant!
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:40 |
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The only way to be sure is to take it rectally.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:41 |
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![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:42 |
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I think you’re pregnant
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:42 |
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That looks like 002 degrees to me, which means not only are you dead, but you are below freezing.
Congrats on being an Ice Zombie.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:42 |
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If it was food poisoning you’d have gone down sooner and be fine by now. You’ve got the flu. Sorry man, feel better soon.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:44 |
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Who says I didnt?
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:44 |
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buddy, I feel you. I just got over a sickness myself.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:44 |
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Go wash your hands
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:46 |
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I have washed them maybe 20 times today.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:49 |
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To lighten the mood, a joke:
What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
(Pause for effect)
The taste.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:49 |
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I don’t think what came out of me was a fetus.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:52 |
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The pleasure?
The number of participants required?
One is 3rd base and the other is a 2-run home run?
Only one fills you with guilt and shame?
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:52 |
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Probably weighs the same
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:53 |
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Been around any kids lately? Their little germ factories.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:53 |
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I don’t know... I think I’ve lost 15% of body weight today.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:55 |
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Well I do babysit on Thursdays... I also visit people’s homes that are awash with little miracles.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:55 |
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Told you man, norovirus. It’s going around and just a FYI you’re still contagious a couple of days after the fever breaks so stay home. Your co-workers will thank you.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:56 |
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That’ll do it. Quarantine so Mrs. spacecrab doesn’t get it. And bleach everything!
![]() 02/12/2017 at 17:56 |
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It’s been so long since I’ve had the flu..
![]() 02/12/2017 at 18:02 |
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I already called out. My wife poor wife though :(
![]() 02/12/2017 at 18:14 |
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Keep sipping that Gatorade. Sprite is good, too. It’s really important to stay hydrated. Don’t even worry about food for a while.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 18:26 |
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!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
![]() 02/12/2017 at 18:27 |
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the potato is so strong with this one I was about to congratulate you on twins.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 18:33 |
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You’re holding it wrong. Your temperature is actually 200.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 18:37 |
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Definitely more than one
![]() 02/12/2017 at 18:49 |
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that’s a lot of scoob
![]() 02/12/2017 at 19:14 |
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One the doctor doesn’t ask you to open wide?
![]() 02/12/2017 at 19:16 |
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Fun fact: I can’t remember the last time I’ve used one of those and it wasn’t being put in an animal’s butt.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 19:16 |
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Immediate thought when I first scrolled past. Then I saw who posted it.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 19:34 |
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Doctor reaches into her pen pocket so she can write down the patients obs and pulls out a rectal thermometer, she looks at it and mutters to herself, ‘hmm, some arsehole has my pen’.
![]() 02/12/2017 at 19:40 |
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If she keeps washing her hands with hot water and soap and doesn’t sleep in the same bed she might make it out okay.